But I thought Cap'n Bob's body was recovered...

Oh, my sides. I really shouldn't say this, because a) it's in bad taste, and b) it's untrue. But it would appear that some of the late Robert Maxwell's remains have been found.

But seriously, how long will it be before a bunch of crazies suggest that it's false? They've already added their own unique spin on Ida, apparently the poor lamb drowned in some catastrophic flood or something. As yet it's unclear whether she had any of the Mirror Group Pensioners' money.

Hmm, I seem to have switched over into political satire. I do apologise.